Jesse Helms is dead. Happy 4th of July!!
Jerry Falwell and Jesse Helms are dead. Two down, a few million more to go. And here I thought this was going to be a dull 4th of July. Growing up in North Carolina, I was forced to listen to that bigoted old gas bag from the time I could crawl. Helms is dead. Happy 4th of July!
And now … a samplin’ of Jesse’s greatest hits!
In 1993, when then-President Clinton sought confirmation for an openly homosexual assistant secretary at the Department of Housing and Urban Development, Helms registered his disgust. ‘I’m not going to put a lesbian in a position like that,’ he said in a newspaper interview at the time. ‘If you want to call me a bigot, fine.’
He defeated black former Charlotte Mayor Harvey Gantt in 1990 and 1996 in racially tinged campaigns. In the first race, a Helms commercial showed a white fist crumbling up a job application, these words underneath: “You needed that job … but they had to give it to a minority.”
As an aide to the 1950 Senate campaign of North Carolina Republican candidate Willis Smith, Helms reportedly helped create attack ads against Smith’s opponent, including one which read: “White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories? Frank Graham favors mingling of the races.” Another ad featured photographs Helms himself had doctored to illustrate the allegation that Graham’s wife had danced with a black man. (The News and Observer, 8/26/01; The New Republic, 6/19/95; The Observer, 5/5/96; Hard Right: The Rise of Jesse Helms, by Ernest B. Furgurson, Norton, 1986)
Over the years Helms has declared homosexuality “degenerate,” and homosexuals “weak, morally sick wretches.” (Newsweek, 12/5/94) In a tirade highlighting his routine opposition to AIDS research funding, Helms lashed out at the Kennedy-Hatch AIDS bill in 1988: “There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy.” (States News Service, 5/17/88)
Helms remonstrated ten female members of the House of Representatives to “act like ladies” when they interrupted a Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing to demand support of a U.N. treaty against gender discrimination, and subsequently had them removed from the hearing by Capitol police. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 10/28/99)
And the man ABC News now describes as a “conservative icon” (8/22/01) in 1993 sang “Dixie” in an elevator to Carol Moseley-Braun, the first African-American woman elected to the Senate, bragging, “I’m going to make her cry. I’m going to sing Dixie until she cries.” (Chicago Sun-Times, 8/5/93)
More recently, when a caller to CNN’s Larry King Live show praised guest Jesse Helms for “everything you’ve done to help keep down the niggers,” Helms’ response was to salute the camera and say, “Well, thank you, I think.” (Wilmington Star-News, 9/16/95)
For more about this jowly, bloated, hateful old fuck … click here. Enjoy your independence day! We’re all just a little bit freer today! My condolences to his family for being his family.
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Speaking The Truth … Finally
A Step Closer to Justice
Published: May 30, 2008
New Yorkers should be proud of Gov. David Paterson’s efforts to assure basic civil rights for same-sex couples married outside the state. Now, the State Legislature should prove its own commitment to equality and justice by granting gay couples the right to marry in New York State.
Mr. Paterson has directed state agencies to respond to a recent court ruling by reviewing more than 1,300 state policies that affect married people. He wants to ensure that New York fully recognizes all legal marriage licenses, including those granted to gay couples in places like Massachusetts, Canada, South Africa and soon, California.
If that sounds like mere paper shuffling in Albany, it is not. It means that New Yorkers who marry in San Francisco or Montreal can return home knowing that their rights will be protected. That is progress, especially since many states have specifically outlawed even the recognition of same-sex marriages granted legally elsewhere.
Despite the growing political outcry, Mr. Paterson is on firm legal, as well as moral, ground.
For more than a century, New York has recognized marriage contracts from other states — even if those couples could not legally marry in New York. New York does not grant licenses for common law marriages, but if such marriages are legal elsewhere, they are recognized in New York. In February, a New York State appeals court ruled unanimously that this “marriage recognition rule” also had to apply to any same-sex couple with a legal marriage license obtained elsewhere.
While most Democrats in Albany have pushed for legislation to legalize gay marriage, most Republicans have argued that it is enough to adjust state laws to make them more equitable for same-sex couples. These half-measures have not worked.
The New York City Bar Association and Empire State Pride Agenda last year identified more than 1,300 aspects of New York State law that either deny rights to gay couples or make their lives far more complicated.
There are cases of one partner being denied access to a mate’s hospital room. People who have spent their adult lives together without the benefit of a marriage license can be compelled to testify against each other. Benefits for survivors from workers’ compensation go only to a legally recognized spouse.
After one of the most vigorous and emotional floor debates in recent Albany history, the Democratic-controlled Assembly has passed a bill allowing same-sex couples to marry in New York. The Republican-controlled Senate has refused, so far, to act.
Governor Paterson has worked hard to promote comity in Albany — we fear at the cost of many essential reforms. He should use his influence with the Republican Senate leader, Joseph Bruno, to get the Assembly version of the marriage bill passed this year.
No matter their sexual orientation, New Yorkers should have the same fundamental right to marry. Governor Paterson has taken an important first step, but it is not enough. Now he needs to persuade the rest of Albany to do what is fair.
In other news … kittens.
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New Rule For Bill Maher
Note to Bill Maher … I love the scathing commentary on religion, but I fear that the tens of thousands of young girls who have been molested by priests over the years would not understand your “we’re here, we’re queer” reference. At least not in the gay sense of the word queer. Child molestation has nothing to do with being gay. It has to do with psychologically damaged people having access to children.
I know, I know, it’s much funnier to talk about priest on boy “buggery”. New rule Bill … get your facts straight correct. People who are systematically taught to deny their own sexual nature will eventually act out. They are emotionally and sexually stunted and will prey on children regardless of the sex of the child or their own sexual attractions. If alter boys are molested by priests more often than little Catholic girls, it’s because priests are more likely to have access to boys.
My ex-girlfriend told me many times about living in a convent school when she was young. The girls had to go to the bathroom at night in groups to avoid the priest who would wait under the stairwell. Nice. Buggery? Yes. Gay? Not hardly. Then again, that’s just not as funny.
The abuse doesn’t begin or end with priests and alter boys. It begins and ends with the insanity that is organized religion. Now that’s queer.
Survivors Network of Those Abused By Priests
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Crack House Manor
There will be no straight-friendly B and B. Sadly, we were outbid on that lovely property by someone who wants to chop up the old mansion and turn it into a hostile of some sort. Is this a great country or what? Oh well, you can always buy something else. You can change your plans and take on something no one else wants … like two disheveled apartment buildings in a “bad” part of town. And so it is that I am about to set out on a new adventure.
After a long, cold, dreary winter, one in which I managed to gain back a frightening amount of the weight I had lost two years ago, I’ve decided to pry myself out of my ergonomic office chair and actually do something. My fun and hot sex companion and I, along with our adorable gay-friendly handy-boy Pete, have purchased two wildly unattractive and unimaginably disgusting apartment buildings in a “bad” part of town and will start renovating them within the week.
Here’s what we bought in lieu of the beautiful mansion with five acres and a pond …
A fourplex which was abandoned and used as a crack house. An adjoining duplex with god-awful shingle siding and a porch falling in off the back. The fourplex is home to a dozen or so feral cats and has a broken sewer main. That’s what’s good about the fourplex. The duplex has an odd “spinster” tenant who isn’t sure how she feels about change. The fourplex smells like a crack house with a broken sewer main. The duplex smells like a spinster tenant. This is going to be great.
Over the next few months we will be gutting and rebuilding the fourplex, starting with the sewer main. If we can catch any of the cats, we will take them to be spayed and neutered. The crack heads are on their own.
And so the renovation journey begins. I will post on our progress as we go and come back from time to time just to make fun of the Church ladies or the next political sex scandal. That you can count on. It has been my experience that whenever I stop finding churchy people funny, I need to get outside and do some work. Off I go.
Just so you know, the “bad” part of town is only bad because nothing good is going on there. That’s all about to change. Having lived in Washington Heights during the 1980’s, nothing scares me.
Ahhh … spring! Lest you think that there really is nothing good about the property we bought, I should tell you that it comes with a huge lot, which will be turned into a community fruit and vegetable garden. There is beautiful brick underneath the awful shingles on the duplex. The new apartments will be lovely and energy efficient and affordable. We found a dozen bikes in the basement of the duplex and are planning to offer them to the neighborhood for a “need a bike” program. The neighbors seem to be very excited with our plans and we are hiring a local work crew. The cats are a wait and see.
It’s spring and I’m feeling optimistic again.
Just for fun …
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A Joint Ticket At Last
In November, I will vote for a democrat. Until then, I’m just looking for a laugh.
Humorous. Not Sarah Silverman humorous, but humorous.
Of course, nothing is as good as the original. Or is it?
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This Week In Gay Science
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The Diversity Election (Diversidad mi asno!)
The all-white school board in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania wants you to know that they are all about diversity. (¡Sí a diversidad!) After all, their student population is one third Hispanic. That’s why they passed on the opportunity to seat lawyer, civic leader and actual Hispanic person, Sis Obed Torres Cordero, to the board. Imagine the white outrage when the morning headline in the local newspaper read “Board Rejects Hispanic Candidate.”
“We certainly need diversity,” said Johanna Bees, a Republican committeewoman who spoke outside the city library. “But the school board had to consider qualifications first.” Ms. Bees paused and then added: “One of my gripes is that all these people should learn English. When they’re walking on the street and they’re jabbering in Spanish, it really annoys me.”
The board president, Loretta M. Leeson, (Una señora blanca) was also really annoyed. “We did not reject a ‘Hispanic candidate,’ ” Mrs. Leeson jabbered in English. “We rejected Mr. Torres Cordero in favor of a candidate with the best qualifications.” The board’s candidate of choice was local banker Benjamin M. Tenaglia III, whose white, non-those people status was not in dispute.
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Listen To Your Elders
Just in case I’m wrong about the fact that I am an old gay coot and the last person on the planet to hear about great new singer/songwriters … here’s Namoli Brennet.
Like Aretha’s “Till You Come Back To Me”, I can’t get this flipping song out of my head.
Brennet’s music is featured in the upcoming documentary film Heartland USA, from the husband and husband team of Joe Wilson and Dean Hamer (www.qwaves.com). Some other great people you should know about. Wow … I feel like Army Archerd! I mean Perez Hilton!
Please don’t write in to let me know that everyone in the world already knows about Namoli Brennet. I’m feeling really hip and new right at the moment. Now … shut your pie hole before I knock you into next week.
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Sodomy (The Sequel)
I was really hoping for some hate mail after my last post “And Now … A Word About Sodomy”. After all, what’s the point in being a proud member of the forces of darkness, if you can’t engender some good ol’ fashioned wrath from the religious right? It must be a gender thing. They just don’t take lesbians seriously. Surely if I admitted to participating in the vile and wildly pleasurable act of sodomy, I would receive a little retribution. Alas, I have heard nothing. Where did I go wrong? What really happened in Sodom and Gomorrah and why can’t a lesbian sodomite get a little respect?
Perhaps I need a Biblical refresher course. Here it is!! The story of Sodom and Gomorrah for kids!
But the people of the cities got more and more greedy and selfish. They would not share what they had with the poor, or even with guests. So God told Abraham he had decided to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham was shocked, and begged God not to kill all those people. God finally agreed to leave the cities alone if Abraham could find fifty good men there, but Abraham couldn’t find that many. God went down to forty-five men, then to thirty, or twenty, or even ten men, but Abraham couldn’t find even ten good men in the city (women didn’t count in this story, except to be killed).
Greedy and Selfish? Where’s the anal intercourse in all this?? How are you going to scare the crap out of kids without the anal intercourse part? And another thing … “women didn’t count” in this story? Except to be killed? If they didn’t count, why kill them? The flip side of this coin is that it’s probably good to reinforce that message to your girl children early in life. Why set them up for future disapointment? Let’s read on, shall we?
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And Now … A Word About Sodomy
John McCain’s “spiritual advisor” Ron Parsley is obsessed with gay sex. Sodomy in particular. As a lesbian, I sometimes feel left out of the gay hatred. Sodomy, sodomy, sodomy. Why is it always about sodomy with these guys?
Hey, wait a minute! I belong to the forces of darkness! I’m a tortured and angry homosexual! The perverted act of sodomy? What do I have to do to fit in here?
According to the American Heritage Medical Dictionary, the definition of sodomy is …
Anal copulation of one male with another. Anal or oral copulation with a member of the opposite sex. Copulation with an animal.
Any of various forms of sexual intercourse held to be unnatural or abnormal, especially anal intercourse or bestiality.
Just to make sure I was perfectly clear on this, I went to Dictionary.com …
Sodomy: anal or oral copulation with a member of the opposite sex.
That’s it? Those are my choices? Opposite sex copulation, anal intercourse or bestiality? I’m going to have to go with anal intercourse. I tried the opposite sex copulation thing years ago and it just did not work for me. The cat and I barely get along. She belongs to my girlfriend and the word “needy” doesn’t begin to describe her. That leaves me with anal intercourse. I always prided myself on being a “team player” and so, in the spirit of unity , I decided to take one for the team.
This is what I learned … Relaxation is key. Wine is helpful. Start small. Patience and a good personal moisturizer or “gelee” is a real plus. At the end of the day, (or night as it were), I have this to say about sodomy … It’s great! Seriously, I can’t believe I didn’t know about this. I feel like an idiot. All these years of boring lesbian hair brushing, giggling and kissing, when I could have been having anal intercourse!
Thank you Ron Parsley. Finally, I can pervert god’s original intention, attack marriage, destroy families and have really great sex all at the same time. Who cares about “special rights” and “preferred status”? I have sodomy! Tonight’s plan: A romantic dinner, soft music, a nice bottle of wine and a crazy trip for two to Gomorrah. I will update. Praise the lord and pass the lubrication!
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